(Note: CHANGE EVERYTHING JK DO NOT OR I WILL HAVE U BANNED!)
I'm a big fan of the Hotel Transylvania franchise. I saw all three of the movies in theaters and even have the first two on DVD Blu-Ray. I'm looking forward to get the third film on DVD Blu-Ray. I did find a DVD of the film before, but let me tell you this: It was not at all what I expected. Why? You'll see why.....
It all started one afternoon while I was visiting Goodwill's. I was browsing through the movie section trying to find a good movie to watch until I finally hit the jackpot. It was a DVD of Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation. While the front was normal, the back had something written on it in marker. It read: "DO NOT WATCH" I thought some kid vandalized it for fun.....boy, was I wrong. After purchasing the DVD and taking it home, I popped it into my DVD player and began to watch. However, at the title screen, I noticed the song "I See Love" playing in the background was off-key and distorted. I could also hear whispering along with it. When I pressed "Play", a message popped up telling me to do three things:
- Turn off all the lights.
- Turn the sound all the way up.
- Make sure you're all alone while watching.
I didn't know what it meant, but I did those things because I really wanted to watch the movie. Now I wish I hadn't. The Columbia Pictures logo played as it always did, but something unexpected happened. The lady with a torch suddenly screamed, put a gun in her mouth, and pulled the trigger, then it flashed to the beginning scene of the film with Dracula and his friends fending against Abraham Van Helsing.
Throughout this scene, I noticed every time he was getting hurt, he was being bruised and bloodied. I don't remember that happening in the original film. After that, it cut to static. For some reason, I could make out some kind of video in the static.
It looked like Dennis, who was lying unconscious on the ground, getting scratched and beaten by Bela, the bat monster from the second film. Bela then tore open Dennis and proceeded to eat his guts. It was horrible to see. I also noticed there were more violent moments added to the film.
Like for example, the zombie lady with the big arm accidentally twisting Dracula's arm and you could actually here a loud cracking noise as it broke. Things like this kept going on, like the fishman in the Kid's Club getting torn to shreds by the werewolf pups and Blobby getting cut into pieces by the ship's propellor. Also, on the scene with Dracula and Ericka on their first date, it flashed to static again. This time, there was no hidden video. However, something else happened when Wayne and Wanda see Ericka and Abraham discussing their plan.
Abraham was supposed to knock them both out with darts and lock them up in a closet, but he didn't. Instead, it flashed to another video that was even worse than the last one.
It was a blood-red colored video of video of Wayne, Wanda and all of their werewolf pups completely nude and having a massive orgy. You could clearly hear Wayne and Wanda howling as they were doing a doggystyle. Abraham then enters their room and makes a disgusted face.
Abraham: "Ewwwwww, that's so nasty! Make it stop!"
Wayne, Wanda, and the werewolf pups immediately stopped what they were doing and looked at Abraham.
Wayne: "Well, I'm gonna make gonna make you feel even more grossed out than you already are!"
He then began to masturbate for 58 seconds until he ejaculates all over Abraham, who lets out a distorted scream of disgust. Gross!
Near the end of the movie, however, there was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. In the party scene when Abraham reveals himself to the monsters and then controls the kraken to attack them, I noticed some of the monsters were being crushed by the kraken's tentacles, leaving splatters of hyper-realistic gore. But that wasn't all, when everyone danced to "Macarena",
I expected Abraham to dance along and fall down a gorge, only to be rescued by Dracula and then him apologizing to the monsters. That's not what happened at all. Instead, Ericka pulled out a kitchen knife and stabbed Dracula in the chest.
Everyone else stopped dancing and gasped in horror.
Ericka: "Did you really think a monster hunter would fall in love with a monster? Well, guess what? You're all gullible!"
She then pulls the knife out of Dracula's chest and blood and muscle tissue splatters on her. Mavis attempts to attack her in bat form, but Ericka quickly grabs her and squeezes her to death. She then kills Johnny by breaking his neck and kick Vlad down a gorge. Finally, she strangles Dennis. Abraham slowly applauds.
Abraham: "Good job, Ericka. You have killed the entire Dracula family."
Ericka: "I'd never let you down, grandfather."
Abraham: "Now, get the rest of them!"
Ericka: "You know I will!"
She prepares to attack the other monsters, who all scream in horror. Suddenly, police sirens were heard and the police arrive.
Police Officer: "Ericka and Abraham Van Helsing, you're under arrest for murder!"
Abraham: "What?! How did you get all the way here?!"
Police Officer: "We have a boat too, you know."
Ericka and Abraham try to run away, but they are both shot to death and blood splatters.
After that, the police officer then aimed the gun into mouth, pulled the trigger and blood splattered everywhere as the police officer's body fell into the ground. A timecard appeared reading "Three Days Later", which was surprisingly spoken by the French narrator from Spongebob Squarepants. A funeral was being held for Dracula, Mavis, Johnny, Dennis, Vlad, and the officer. After that, it cuts to the end credits. Instead of showing cartoon versions of the characters with "I See Love" playing in the background, however, it was just bleeding font credits rolling with a sad piano music playing in the background.
I immediately removed the DVD and smashed it, so nobody else could find this demented movie. I'm still waiting for the original film on DVD now. If you find this version, however, do what it says and do not watch it!