Warning: This story contains graphic violence not suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.
If you thought the other lost THX boxsets were bad enough, wait until you hear my story. I have always been a fan of the THX boxset series. In fact, I had a whole collection of them in my room that I liked to watch daily. But after my experience, I don't think I'll ever collect them again.
It was a Monday and I was at my job, working the frontline at Hardee's. But as I was taking out the trash, I found, you guessed it, a lost THX boxset. This time, it was for Sony Animation and the characters on the cover included Boog, Elliot, Flint Lockwood, Steve, Dracula, Smurfette, Miles Morales, Gene, Red, and Cody Maverick.
"Weird," I thought. "I'm pretty sure that THX didn't certify any of these movies."
After my shift, I went home from work to watch the trailer. Before that, I took out the following movies: Open Season, Surf's Up, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, Hotel Transylvania, Smurfs: The Lost Village, Spider-Man: Into The Spider-verse, The Emoji Movie, and Angry Birds. As with all of the other boxsets, I also took out the trailer DVD itself. After I inserted the DVD, like the other boxsets, the montage of all of the movies began before it went to the main menu. As usual, the options were "Play", "Scene Selection", "Settings", and "Bonus Features". I selected "Play", ready to see another lost THX trailer. A warning popped up, reading:
Warning: The following trailer was made in promotion for The Forever Purge, even though that film is not THX- certified. This trailer contains graphic violence. Viewer discretion is advised."
"OK," I said. "Let's do this!"
The trailer opened with a shot of the forest from Open Season at night. Boog, Elliot, Giselle, Ian, Rosie, Maria, Buddy, McSquizzy, Serge, and Deni were gathered around. Boog began to speak.
"OK, guys," Boog spoke. "Tonight, we are going to try and get a Woo Hoo bar from the gas station. But be careful: I heard that there is a evil physotic red capped crazy killer robot out who is traveling the multiverse, killing innocent people and various characters for disrespecting all over his company, which is a pretty silly reason to kill people. But as long as we get the Woo Hoo's and go, we'll be fine."
Just then, Tex popped out from behind a tree, holding a whole package of Woo Hoo bars.
"Hello, animals!" Tex greeted.
"Look, here," said McSquizzy. "We heard a lot about what you did, and we want nothing to do with you!"
"What were you thinking, killing those people?!" Giselle added.
"Don't you even think about killing us!" Elliot chimed in.
"If you do, we will feed you to Boog!" Ian berated.
"Wait, Ian." Boog stopped. "I don't eat people. But I agree with them, Tex!"
"Is that right?" Tex asked. "I heard you were looking for Woo Hoo bars tonight. So I figured I'd give you this whole pack."
Boog, Elliot, and the others grabbed the Woo Hoo bars and ate them all up. I was surprised to see Tex being nice for once.
"These taste different!" Elliot said. "I LIKE THEM! What is this flavor?"
"I call it vinyl chloride and mercury, of course." Tex said, with a mischievous grin.
"Wait. What?!" Boog gasped.
The animals then started coughing up blood and dropped down, dying, as Tex laughed evilly while flying away.
But the trailer wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of the town of Swallow Falls. Flint, Steve, Sam, Earl, and Brent were at a restaurant, waiting to be served.
"Isn't this great, guys?!" Flint asked. "This place just opened!"
"It's so exciting!" Brent cheered in excitement.
"Wait!" Sam whimpered. "What was the name of this restaurant again?"
"Sexy Texy's Steakhouse!" Earl gasped as he has a scared look on his face. "Oh no! I heard about an evil robot! He's been travelling the multiverse, killing innocent people and other characters!"
Just then, Tex arrived with a clipboard, ready to take the gang's orders.
"Hello, and welcome to Sexy Texy's Steakhouse!" Tex greeted. "Can I please take your order?"
"We'll all have burgers." Flint nervously told Tex. "But please don't do this."
"Don't worry, food inventor." Tex stated. "I won't kill you, but the food here is to die for."
Tex used a generator on his body to generate four hamburgers. The gang looked at the burgers with a sense of hunger, and were about to get ready to dig in.
However, the burgers came to life and bit the gang in the throat, killing them instantly as they screamed while Tex laughed like crazy.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of Hotel Transylvania, where Dracula, Johnny, Mavis, and the gang of monsters were having a dance party for the 226th anniversary of the hotel.
Just then, Tex was heard laughing evilly. The gang turned off the music and looked around.
"Um... guys?" Johnny spoke, getting nervous. "Do you get the feeling that we're being watched?"
At that moment, Tex dropped down in front of the monsters and Johnny, scaring them instantly.
"Hello, monsters!" Tex greeted. "I heard that you were having a lousy party."
"Our party isn't lousy!" Dracula stated. "How about you join us?"
"OK!" Tex replied. "Hey, Mavis..."
"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Mavis asked, as she interrupted Tex.
"No, I'm good." Tex said. "Anyways, what's this I hear about you wanting a pathetic monster kid with that little punk over there?"
"Hey!" Johnny yelled. "I'm not a punk! Mavis loves me for who I am!"
"GET OUT!" Dracula berated. "NO ONE AND I MEAN NOBODY MAKES FUN OF MY FAMILY!"
"Sorry, Drac, but that isn't gonna happen." Tex said, as he pulled out a stake. "It’s to hunt some vampires with Sexy Texy!"
Tex stabbed Dracula in the heart, causing him to scream in agony.
After Dracula dropped down to his bloody demise, all of the monsters and Johnny ran around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to find an exit.
"Oh no, you don't!" Tex yelled, as he blocked the door with a mountain of dynamite. "As the old saying goes, it's not a party without fireworks!"
Tex lit up the dynamite and flew away. As it was about to go off, the screen didn’t cut to black as I could see the dynamite exploding as Hotel Transylvania was collapsing.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of the town of Textopolis, where Gene, High-Five, and Jailbreak were going to work for the day.
"Today is going to be great!" High-Five said excitedly.
"I know, right?" Gene asked.
"Wait, guys," Jailbreak told Gene and Hi-5. "I heard that there was a physotic robot around here somewhere. He's been killing people for some reason, So we must be very careful."
After the gang made their way into their texting boxes for the day, the phone screen went on and everyone was shocked to see that Tex was running the phone today.
"Hello, emojis!" Tex greeted. "Getting ready to be texted?"
"What have you done with Alex?!" Gene gasped.
"Oh, he didn't want to use his phone today, so don't worry, I will be in charge of your little business." Tex stated. "I found some apps on here that I don't really like. By which I mean, all of them!"
"You’re not gonna delete us, are you?" High-Five asked.
"Wanna bet?" Tex asked.
Tex began to delete all of the apps on Alex's phone, one by one. He then went to the texting app and deleted that as well. Textopolis started to get deleted as everyone was screaming.
Tex laughed like crazy as he saw all of the emojis get deleted.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of the town of Smurf Village. Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Brainy, and the others were preparing for some kind of festival. But at that moment, it cut to Tex, holding a can of bug spray, aiming at the Smurfs.
"All I gotta do is spray those weird blue dwarves," Tex said, grinning his big yellow grin.
At that moment, Clumsy Smurf could be heard screaming. But it didn't sound fake. It sounded like his voice actor, Jack McBrayer, was actually terrified.
"What's going on, Clumsy?!" Papa Smurf asked.
"It's that big robot!" Clumsy told him, with a terrified expression on his face.
At that moment, all of the Smurfs saw Tex with his can of bug spray and gasped in shock.
"Hello, blue dwarves!" Tex greeted. "There is no one here to save you."
The Smurfs started freaking out, as Tex pulled out a lighter to use with his bug spray.
"Don't worry." Tex said. "I'm just gonna have a quick blue Cookout."
"RUN!!!!!" Papa Smurf yelled.
The Smurfs ran around the village as Tex sprayed them with the fire bug spray. The Smurfs screamed in anguish as they were burnt to a crisp. As Tex flew away, the screen faded to black.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of bird cage, where Red, Chuck, and Bomb can be seen.
"Where are we?" Red asked in confusion.
"Is this the Pigs' dungeon?" Chuck asked.
"I doubt it." Bomb spoke. "It has to be something worse than that.
At that moment, Tex jumps in front of the bird cage, startling the trio.
The trio screamed in horror as they saw him.
"Hello, birdies!" Tex greeted.
"Who are you?!" Red asked as he was scared.
"The name's Tex!" Tex introduced himself. "You three have disrespected my company so I'm here for some fried chicken."
"What?" Bomb yelled. "You're gonna fry us?"
“Wanna bet?” Tex asked.
Tex took the three birds and threw them into a deep fryer. Red, Chuck, and Bomb screamed in pain and agony as they were being fried, while Tex laughed like crazy.
”I DON’T WANNA BE FRIED CHICKEN, RED!!!” Chuck cried.
"HELP US! ANYONE! WE'RE FRYING!" Red screamed, as he was being fried.
The trio screamed realistically, and their skin slowly fried, then the screen faded to black.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of New York City from Spider Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Miles Morales, Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, Spider-Ham, The Spider-Man and Peni Parker were swinging across the city, looking for bad guys to stop. When suddenly, Tex flew up in front of them.
"Hello, Spiders!" Tex greeted. "Looking for evil to fight?"
"We sure are!" Miles stated.
"Prepare for a big knockout, robot, you're worse than Doc Ock!!" Gwen yelled.
"Yeah, we’re gonna take you down.” Peter berated.
"That's not gonna happen!" Tex stated, as he changed into Spider-Tex. "Time to fight a spider with the T-Man!"
Miles, Gwen, Peter, Spider-Ham, The Spider-Man, Peni Parker and Tex fought and fought. Miles, Gwen, Peter, Spider-Ham, The Spider-Man and Peni Parker looked like they were about to beat him. Until Tex opened a portal to hell and cut their webs, causing them to fall as they screamed. I noticed that Gwen Stacy's death music from The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was playing as they fell.
But the trailer still wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of the beach where Maverick and Chicken Joe were surfing and having a good time.
"Hey, Joe, isn't it a great time surfing up?" Maverick asked.
"Sure is!" Chicken Joe replied.
At that moment, Tex appeared, surfing on some sharks.
"Hello, surfer dudes!" Tex greeted.
"HEY! what are you doing on those sharks?!" Marverick said in confusion
"Because it’s time for you two to be wiped out!" Tex stated.
"NOOO!" Maverick and Chicken Joe shouted.
But it was too late, the sharks ate Maverick and Chicken Joe as they screamed in agony.
But the trailer wasn't over yet.
It cut to a shot of the THX logo, with the Sony Pictures Animation letters lying on the floor. Then, the deep note starting playing. As usual, it was mixed with various screams. This time, those screams belonged to Gene, Boog, Elliot, Jailbreak, High-Five, Miles, Gwen, Peter, Maverick, Chicken Joe, Red, Bomb, Chuck, Dracula, and Mavis, among others. Then, as soon as the deep note stopped, Tex dropped down as usual.
"Hello, Sony Animation fans!" Tex began. "I'm back at it again, killing all of your favorite Sony characters, because they disrespected my company! Remember the Rule of Sexy Texy: If you are scared of me or my company, I will come for a visit. Sweet dreams!"
As usual, the slogan, "The audience is listening" appeared on the screen after Tex flew away. As I'm sure you know, there is usually a jumpscare at the end of these THX trailers. But this time, all I got was "To be continued..", meaning that this won't be the last trailer that I see.
I was scared and shocked at what I saw on that DVD.
I immediately smashed it into a million pieces and threw it in the dump behind the Hardee's I worked at.
But not before taking a few screenshots of what I saw.
But what I didn't know is that the horror was just getting started.
There would be more THX trailers that I would discover.
To be continued...